"Summer Summer Summer time...."

Fuckn hell. warm isn't it? how buzzing is everyone with the weather. kinnell. girls are running out into the street screaming and lying on the floor quick to get some kind of tan that they've not had to put 3 tokens in a machine for. some fuckn man head was moaning about it the other day saying "ughhh its too hot!!" yeh, you know why girl?? its coz you've got a pair of jeans on with a big red hoody you man headed ming. i know you've got to "stay true" to your skateboarder roots or whatever. but fuckn hell. just chill out, put a little skirt on, and av a magnum or suttn.

The weather girls always go MAD don't they when they're telln you the weather the night before don't they. even going as far as suggest what you should do with your time. "another glorious summers day tomorrow, so dig out those summer dresses and hit the beach". most girls in Liverpool are thinking

 

"actually girl, i'll just lash me fellas footy shorts on and "hit" the back garden till the icey man comes round so i can get 10 biftas an a funny foot"

funny when you phone your berd from work or whatever, and you KNOW they've been sunbathing (who wouldn't be). but they CAN'T tell you that, coz that's admitting they've done fuck all. and that's what the fella normally does. so when you ask "whav you been up to" they have to read out this big list of stuff they've been doing like  "the washing" or some shit that they make sound like a big job. lets just clear this up girls, when you say your doing "ALL" the washing, your actually just putting clothes in a machine and fucking off for an hour. Am onto yooz! kinnell.

you could tell me you'd been "boiling the drapes" and think it sounds like something that gets done in a house. (its not right?) so girls, if your sunbathing, sunbathe!! and stop justifying it by saying you've done loads of jobs you cranks, coz you avnt. hahahaha.  

Lads are shit in the summer aren't they. they look like they've bought their legs the week before and are trying to grow into them. especially gym heads. kinnell lids. its no good lifting all those weights and jibbing your legs is it? your gonna end up looking daft when you've got to put shorts on in the summer aren't yuz?? skinny, moontanned legs that a smackhead would be proud ov. and EVERY lad is guilty. spent all winter in trackies and tha, summer comes out and they end up bouncing down the shop, shorts on like some horror film "night of the living dead scouse lads zombie legs" or suttn. shit all that.

the fuckn berds are cases an all!! my berd said (to ME, like am suppose to know or suttn) "is it gonna be hot ALL DAY today??, should i wear a coat??" Kinnell. ow am i supposed to know you crank.

And while i'm here, Girls, if your not going the gym STOP WEARING ALL THAT GYM SHIT!! we know your not going the gym, YOU know your not going the gym. so why the lies? we've seen you all year dropping the kids off to school in your jarmies, and now the summers out, the jarmies are off and you want me to believe your a mad gym head. KOFF!!  here's my theory, girls that wear all that think that they're overweight but want people to think "well fair enough, least shes avin a go and going the gym an that". but shes not. soon as the sun fucks off, she'll be back in her jarmies and will have lost NO weight. fuckn weirdos.

the sun also brings out the "shopping bug" in Liverpool doesn't it. girls on facebook going "hmm new summer wardrobe i think". tut. sound. theres another £60 primark will be glad ov. kinnell. I like how everyone justifies the stuff they buy from primark. for example, has any scouser ever bought something they actually wanted to wear on a night out or suttn? no. instead, they justify it by telling whoever they're with

"oh they're only for my holidays, i'll throw them away when i get home"    

or

"its only for in the house, or when am decorating or suttn"

no you wont!! you're just saying tha so we don't think your actually happy that your buying clothes out of primark. why be arsed? no one else is are they? have you ever seen Primark in Liverpool empty? or people getting egged outside for buying cheap clobber?  no i haven't either. so if your buying clobber out of primark, stop telling everyone its "not what it looks like, they're only for my holidays"!! 

Summer is also the Barbecue season. you know that thing that EVERY fuckn lad is an expert at? kinnell. all ov a sudden were all experts on what we need to do the perfect barbecue. saying shit like

"oh no, you don't want charcoal, GET BRIQUETTES!! they hold the heat longer"

or

"You've got to cook it till the juices run clear"

 

What?? what are you saying lad. you cant even make decent toast you soft twat? who taught you about juices running clear and briquettes you fuckn quilt??!! your only burning two burgers and a couple of sausages. its hardly a roast dinner is it? and then, when hes slaved over them burgers he spends the rest ov the afternoon going "did you taste my burgers before? decent wernt thee!!" fuckn made up with himself. till the following morning when everyones texting him coz their arses have fell off. that's the thing with a barbecue isn't it. its a waiting game. the slowest game ov Russian roulette ever. you wont know if the food was cooked right until your lashing it back down the bog 7 hours later. kinnell. actually, barbecues are shit aren't thee? fuck it. am going to Ronnie Mc's next time. haha.

 

so, enjoy the sun (its raining as i write this, shit init).

 

1. Don't moan about the heat if your a man head with a hoody on
2. Girl, if you want to sunbathe, SUNBATHE! you haven't got to earn it by blagging you've done the ironing. kinnell.
3. Lads, legs. no. get the shop with them bastards.
4. stop wearing gym shit girls, unless your going the gym.
5. if your going to primark stop tryna make out like you don't actually want the clothes you've just bought you fuckn divvy.
6. Lad, put the lighter fluid down you fuckn divvy. you can't boil a fuckn egg. nevermind do a fuckn decent barbecue. go and get your head down

s'right Liverpool. inabit